Want more childless friends?

Do you feel lonely or like the only childless person in your circle of friends because everyone around you has children or grandchildren?

I understand. I’ve been there. My thirties were some of my loneliest years, as I share in my blog, Coming to Terms with Becoming Involuntarily Childless. At that time of life, it can seem like everyone is having babies and enjoying family-centred activities. I remember feeling left out and fed up with being the childless friend. Thankfully, I fairly quickly realised I needed to connect with other childless people. That changed everything.

In this blog, I explain why childless friends are so important and offer tips on how to find them. You might also enjoy my book, Nourishing Friendships: How to Make Friends You Love in Midlife and Beyond. It’s full of practical tips and advice for building meaningful friendships, whether or not you have children.

Why are childless friends important?

Many people assume that if you want children, you can have them. Yet, nearly 20% of women reach menopause without children, often not by choice. If you’re childless or childfree and surrounded by people with kids, it can feel isolating. You may even question your self-worth, and the meaning of life, or struggle with a sense of loss.

Have you ever felt that way?

Here’s the truth: You deserve happiness and fulfilment just like anyone else. And you can have it, too.

If you’ve grown up in a culture that idealises parenthood, you might need to reframe your beliefs and create a new vision and purpose for your life. Surrounding yourself with childless friends can help with that.

The people around you shape your reality. Friends influence your health, happiness, and even how long you live.

Surround yourself with childless friends so you:

Feel less lonely – there are many others like you, a tribe where you belong.
Feel supported – by friends who understand your experience.
Miss your ‘parent’ friends less – your friendships evolve, and childless friends can fill the gap.
Find it easier to navigate a life without children – whether it’s your childbearing years, menopause, or when others become grandparents.
Have friends to go out with so you can make the most of life – doing activities with other childless people and without constant conversations about children.
Meet people who focus on dreams and activities outside of parenthood.
Add joy, purpose, and meaning to your life.

I’m so glad I consciously decided to make childless friends in my thirties and forties because now, in my fifties, some friends are becoming grandparents and consumed with family life again. But I’m not as affected emotionally because I’ve also many great childless friends too.

How do you make childless friends?

Making friends as a childless person is similar to everyone else, as I write about in my book, Nourishing Friendships. But there are some unique things to consider. Before we dive into those, let’s clarify some terms:

Childless by choice (childfree): People who decide they don’t want children, e.g. for personal, health, or environmental reasons.
Involuntarily childless: People who wanted children but couldn’t have them for various reasons, such as medical issues, being single during their child-bearing years, or other circumstances. Involuntarily childless often face more trauma such as each month when their period arrives, medical examinations and procedures, coping with the loss of potential parenthood, and dealing with friends and family expectations.

There are also of course bereaved parents who have tragically lost their child, children, or newborn baby.

In this blog, I use “childless” to include everyone without children. Apply what I share in ways that suit your situation.

Considerations when making childless friends

You can live a fulfilling, joyful life without children—I know this from personal experience, my childless friends, and through helping clients do this.
Childlessness can be temporary or permanent—some childless people (including you) may still hope to have children. So seek out friends who don’t have children and appreciate childless friends for all they are, without being attached to them remaining childless.
You don’t need to give up hope—making childless friends doesn’t mean abandoning the possibility of parenthood if you’re still in your child-bearing years and there is no medical reason you can’t have children.
Be mindful of where people are on their childless path—some may have found peace with childlessness, while others may still be struggling.
Respect boundaries—not everyone is ready to talk about their childlessness, so avoid asking personal questions. Instead take the lead from them, listen, and respond compassionately.
Not every childless person will be a good friend—just like with any friendship, it’s important to connect on more than shared circumstances.
You may meet parents who could become great friends too—some of my dearest friends are parents, who I bonded with through shared interests, values, and approach to life.

Ultimately, it’s your choice—you can take charge of your future by actively seeking childless friends and building a fulfilling life, or not. The power is yours.

7 Steps to making childless friends

Most people start by thinking about where to meet new childless friends. Occasionally you will meet them organically although if you want to avoid wasting time, energy, and money, I invite you to be more intentional about your friendship choices.

By following all seven simple steps I share here, in the order they are presented, you’ll find it easier to find and enjoy friendships with the right childless people. You’ll also be less likely to feel so alone or to experience conflict, drama, or bullying. Just because others are childless too, doesn’t mean they will treat you well or be a good friend.

The first four steps I share here relate to your inner world (your beliefs, needs, values, and desires). Then the last three relate to the practical ways to meet childless people and nurture relationships.

Step 1 – Connect to your why

You’re more likely to feel less lonely and develop lasting friendships when the people you choose to spend time with align with your values, needs, and deepest desires.

This involves becoming more consciously aware of why you want more childless or childfree friends, how you hope they will enrich your life, and what truly matters to you. For instance, are you looking for local friends to be able to go out with regularly, friends who can support you, or friends to go on holiday with who don’t need to live nearby?

Also, consider the activities you’d love to do with friends, the kind of friends you’d like to make, and the part you have played in not having the friends you’d love in your life (see my blog post: 21 Common Reasons Adults Have No Friends).

Doing this will help you be more focused and selective in prioritising relationships with people who have the potential to become good friends and have the greatest positive impact on your life.

How do you hope good childless friends will improve your life?

Step 2 – Embrace a positive friendship and childfree mindset

Overcome any mindset, social anxiety, and trauma so you feel more confident and find it easier to make nourishing friends.

If you harbour doubts, fears or anxieties about making friends, what to say, whether you’re good enough or people will like you, or rejection, these will sabotage your attempts at making friends. Most people have some doubts or insecurities about themselves and have experienced some level of trauma. That is human.

However, if they hinder your efforts to make friends, it’s time to let them go, boost your self-esteem and confidence, and cultivate a positive mindset while building friendships.

Regardless of the life stage you find yourself in or the experiences you’ve had with friends in the past, it is possible for you to forge meaningful connections and make good friends. You can learn how to do this and learn how to overcome any mindset blocks and emotional triggers, even if you don’t know how yet.

It’s time to say goodbye to feeling lonely and explore what’s on the other side of your comfort zone! Making new childless friends will get easier over time.

What doubts, fears, anxieties, or trauma do you have that could be holding you back from enjoying good times with friends?

Step 3 – Make friends with yourself

Get clarity on who you are and what you want to experience in the future, so the new friendships you choose to nurture align with who you truly are and the type of friendships you want to experience.

This is especially true when you’re childless, as you realise the life of becoming a parent and raising a family, and all that goes with that isn’t going to happen.

Who are you if you’re not a parent?
What is your life purpose?
How can you possibly enjoy a happy meaningful life without children?
Where do you fit in society?

These are all things to contemplate. I share further questions to consider in my Nourishing Friendships book. Or check out My Meaningful Life Coaching Programme which is a deep dive into creating a joyful meaningful life you’ll look back on with pride.

If you want to make good friends to accompany you on the next stage of your journey, it’s also worth considering the type of friend you are and how you could become the best friend you can be to those you want to befriend.

What would you love to do or experience in the future? What would make it easier to work this out?

Step 4 – Define your ideal friend’s qualities

To increase the likelihood of enjoying nourishing, harmonious friendships, identify all the qualities (e.g. values, mindset, emotional resilience, passions, skills, and behaviours) of people you’d like in your life–before you reach out to make friends.

Making conscious decisions about this effectively creates a set of filters you can use against which you can assess potential friends. This makes it easier to focus on nurturing friendships with people who are more likely to love you, respect you, and value your friendship as much as you do.

I consciously only nurture friendships with people who have the qualities of people who could become what I call nourishing friends. Read more about friendship qualities in my blog: Toxic Friends: 15 Signs of Toxic Friendships.

What personal qualities do you have for ideal friends?

Step 5 – Review existing contacts

Once you’ve got clear on the type of friends you want, and why, the next focus is to find friends – and it isn’t solely about meeting new people. You may already have childless people in your extended social circle, in your mobile phone contact list, or social media contacts who could become good friends if you were to invest time in getting to know them better. If you’re feeling lonely yet know lots of people, or are a member of any groups or clubs, this is often the best next step.

Who do you already know who is childless?

Step 6 – Make new friends

If you feel you don’t know enough people who could be the type of friend you’re looking for, now’s the time to consider where you could go to meet new like-minded people, e.g. places where you can meet people with common interests or hobbies. Read more in my How to Meet New Friends blog post <HERE>.

If you want to find childless people you could do an internet search for childless communities or support groups. Alternatively, join a club that runs lots of activities for adults and so by its nature will include a lot of childless members. You could also ask people to know to introduce you to other childless friends they have.

Where could you meet childless people?

Step 7 – Nurture nourishing relationships

Neglecting to nurture relationships is one of the main reasons many people lack friends. So, investing time and energy into nurturing and maintaining relationships is critical if you want more good friends. This involves adopting a proactive approach by initiating regular catch-ups, embracing new friendship habits, and creating energising friendship rituals. When you do this, your friendships will blossom more easily, and you’re more likely to feel a sense of love, connection, and belonging.

Every week and month I dedicate time to contemplate who I want to see, visit, or call. I set aside specific moments to get in touch and arrange meet-ups. Sometimes I do things the old-fashioned way and simply give them a call.

How could you become more proactive in nurturing nourishing relationships?

Summary

The best way for you to make childless friends depends on why you don’t have many childless friends at the moment. Together with your needs, values, desires, skills and behaviours, and the people you already know.
Following these seven steps will help you find and attract childless people who could become friends who will love you as much as you do them.
Making friends involves taking time to get to know yourself and consider the type of people you want and don’t want as friends.
You’re more likely to make good childless friends when you’re selective about the places you meet people and the relationships you nurture.
It’s OK to let go of friendships. Few people are destined to be life-long friends.
Become an initiator if you want more friends. The more people you invite out, the more friends you’ll eventually have – if you follow all the steps I’ve shared here.

What’s next to stop feeling lonely?

Hopefully, reading this blog has given you some ideas for making more childless friends.

For further tips and resources check out my new book, Nourishing Friendships: How to Make Friends You Love in Midlife and Beyond.

Want one-to-one coaching to help you work out your next best steps? Check out my friendship coaching <HERE>. I also offer support specifically for childless people so contact me if you’d like to find out more.

You deserve to be happy and surrounded by good friends. What’s the first thing you will do next to make that happen?

With love and gratitude,

Friendship Coach & Life Coach for Midlife Women

Enabling you to make friends and enjoy a life of purpose, adventure, and fun in your midlife years and beyond.

P.S. Have you checked out my books <HERE> yet?

Often described as one of the most authentic and inspiring souls you can meet, Alisoun is on a mission to make it easier for women in their midlife years and beyond to live their truth, do something that matters, and make the most of life.

Alisoun’s keynote talks, training, mentoring, and best-selling books Nourishing Friendships, Heartatude: The 9 Principles of Heart-Centered Success and Give-to-Profit have favourably changed the good fortune of thousands of people worldwide. Alisoun loves spending time with friends, exploring the world, and living by the beach in Scotland.

Alisoun has written the following free resources:

101+ Ways to Create a Joyful Life of Meaning, Vitality, & Impact (download this HERE).
Ebook: 52 Ways to Raise Funds for Charities and Social Causes Through Your Business (download this here)

Connect with Alisoun here: