Characteristics of a Good Friend - Friendship Book

Characteristics of a Good Friend

Life is short, so spend it with good, nourishing friends. But what are the characteristics of a good friend? That’s what I share in this blog post (an extract from my Nourishing Friendships book). 

What kind of friends do you want?

When I ask people this, they usually list qualities such as people who are kind, like-minded, thoughtful, fun, supportive, non-judgmental, interesting, have a good sense of humour, or other positive behaviours and personality traits. No one has said they were looking for friends who are bitchy, negative, abusive, self-centred, aggressive, possessive, rude, toxic, drama queens, or people who play the victim all the time.

Yet I wonder if you’ve ever found yourself in a relationship that made you unhappy. One where you look back and can see the red flags you ignored.

Knowing the qualities of a good friendship versus signs of toxic behaviours will help you to be more selective of the friendships you pursue or avoid. Having this wisdom can also help you pull back from relationships that are not good for you.

Characteristics of a good friend 

Good friends are people who consistently nourish you and enrich your life. Loyal friends who act with love, kindness, and positive intention. They’re not just there for the good times, but also support you through challenging times. Good friends:

  • Want what’s best for you.
  • Help you feel better when you’re feeling down.
  • Are kind to you and respect you.
  • Have other friends and ways to get their needs met.
  • Do things that show they care and value your friendship.
  • Take full responsibility for their actions.
  • Say they are sorry when they make mistakes.
  • Believe in you.
  • Are encouraging, supportive, and celebrate your success. Are energising to be around.
  • Make you feel better about yourself.
  • Enjoy good laughs and conversations.
  • Are open-minded and see things from different perspectives.
  • Respect your values, views, and decisions.
  • Help you navigate your way through life’s challenges.

You may not like everything about your good friends, e.g. they may have some behaviours that wind you up. But, most if not all the above is true even if they occasionally make mistakes. They also have the empathy, compassion, and confidence to apologise when they get things wrong—if you let them know when they upset you. 

Unhealthy Friendships

There are some people who are not good for your mental health or physical well-being. They often make you feel worse about yourself and sabotage your life.

Sometimes these people are referred to as ‘toxic friends’, although I feel this label is overused and misused to describe people who display even the smallest negative behaviour or a one-off indiscretion. Even good friends can have one or two undesirable behaviours or occasionally act out of character. 

You’re in an unhealthy friendship when the other person consistently:

  • Wants what’s best for them, not you.
  • Puts you down to make themselves feel better.
  • Is mean to you, uses you, or abuses you.
  • Is needy, possessive, or jealous.
  • Doesn’t show they care for you.
  • Blames others and life events for what’s wrong with their life – it’s never their fault.
  • Thinks they’re right and rarely apologises.
  • Dims your light and holds you back.
  • Squash your dreams.
  • Drains your energy.
  • Makes you feel worse about yourself, or causes unnecessary stress, anxiety, or worry.
  • Is negative or critical.
  • Bitches, moans, and gossips about people.
  • Doesn’t consider others’ perspectives.
  • Wants you to compromise your needs or integrity for their sake. Belittles the challenges you face.

If you recognise any of your friendships as unhealthy, I encourage you to consider whether you want to continue to be in it (with boundaries to protect you) or to end the friendship. I share practical tips for how to do all of this in my Nourishing Friendships book.  

Nourishing Friendships book for midlife women

Unhealthy friendships versus good friends having a bad time

Supporting someone through a bad time is part of being a good friend—as long as they are still kind and respectful to you.

There’s an important difference between being a good friend who is struggling versus someone who is consistently negative, and critical, plays the victim, or mistreats or manipulates you into supporting them.

If you’re a good friend who is usually kind and loving but are going through a tough time, friends will stand by you and support you. However, if you frequently overstep boundaries, engage in toxic behaviours, or mistreat others, you may find they are not there for you when you need them the most. 

How to avoid being in an unhealthy friendship

Friendships are a two-way dynamic. Your choice of friends and how you show up influences the quality of your friendships.

If you want to avoid unhealthy friendships, be selective about the friends you make, and be clear on what you need and can contribute to your friendships. Also, be alert for red flags that warn you that there could be trouble ahead and let the other person know if they overstep one of your boundaries. If you don’t, it will increase the likelihood you’ll have unhealthy friendships. Sometimes pausing or ending a friendship is what’s best for you. I share how to do all of this in my Nourishing Friendships book

Characteristics of a good friend: key points

  • You deserve to be surrounded by friends who will love and respect you as much as you do them.

  • When you’re aware of nourishing versus unhealthy friendships, you can be more discerning about the friends you make.

  • The part you play influences the quality of your friendships. Letting people mistreat you is fuel for unhealthy relationships. If you don’t like the way friends are treating you, speak up. Setting clear boundaries and standing up for yourself yields better friendships.

  • How to get out of unhealthy friendships depends on how long you’ve been friends, the extent of harmful behaviours, the part they play in your life, and the support structures you have in place. 

  • Considering friendships similar to life partners can be useful, so that you can proactively nurture good friendships and end relationships that are detrimental to your well-being.

What’s next?

Hopefully, reading this blog has helped you get clarity on the characteristics of a good friend and behaviours of people who are not good for you.  

For further tips and resources check out my book, Nourishing Friendships: How to Make Friends You Love in Midlife and Beyond <HERE>. It is packed with practical tips on how to be a good friend, how to meet and make the best friends for you, and how to resolve friendship challenges. 

Want one-to-one coaching to help you work out your next best steps? Check out my friendship coaching <HERE>. I also help women find their purpose, ignite their confidence, and embrace adventure so they can find it easier to enjoy a happy, meaningful life for years to come. Contact me to find out more. 

You deserve to be happy and surrounded by good friends.

What’s the first thing you will do next to make that happen?

With love and gratitude,

Midlife Women’s Life Coach & Friendship Coach

Enabling you to feel good, make friends, and enjoy a life of purpose, adventure, and fun in your midlife years and beyond. 

Nourishing Friendships book for midlife women

P.S. Have you checked out my books <HERE> yet?

Often described as one of the most authentic and inspiring souls you can meet, Alisoun is on a mission to make it easier for women in their midlife years and beyond to live their truth, do something that matters, and make the most of life. 

Alisoun’s keynote talks, training, mentoring, and best-selling books Heartatude: The 9 Principles of Heart-Centered Success and Give-to-Profit have favourably changed the good fortune of thousands of people worldwide. Alisoun loves spending time with friends, exploring the world, and living by the beach in Scotland.

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