How to Be a Good Friend: 10 Simple Tips to Transform Your Friendships

What does it take to be a good friend in today’s fast-paced world? Not just someone who likes social media posts or shows up for a cuppa, but someone who genuinely enriches the lives of others.  

In a world where connections often feel superficial, understanding authentic friendship has never been more crucial. Nourishing friendships are about creating meaningful bonds that help us navigate life’s ups and downs. I discuss the qualities of a good friend in my blog, Characteristics of a Good Friend.

Knowing how to be a good friend can transform your social circle. Here I share 10 simple tips so you can be a good friend. This blog is an extract of my Nourishing Friendships book you can check out <HERE>.

1. Take responsibility for being a good friend

Embracing the role of a good friend encompasses both the enjoyable and challenging aspects of friendship. It involves showing up as the best authentic version of yourself and taking responsibility for the part you play in friendship – your behaviours and efforts to connect.

It also involves staying in touch, offering support, initiating meet-ups, extending apologies, having difficult conversations, gently encouraging friends to grow, and being forgiving towards yourself and others. And yes, it also means healing your trauma and emotional triggers, standing up for yourself, and letting go of friendships that are not good for you.

It’s easy to take responsibility for things that go well. The greater skill is taking responsibility for the part you have played when things don’t go as you hoped. But blaming others causes division, conflict, and upset. Taking responsibility and apologising can help defuse situations and aid resolution. It can be the difference that determines whether a friendship will continue to flourish or die.

2. Focus on what you can control and influence

Focusing on what you can’t control is what leads to negative emotions like stress, anxiety, nerves, or disappointment. However, when you concentrate on what you can control and influence in a situation, you’re likely to feel better and enjoy healthier friendships.

You can’t control how others think, feel, or act. All you can control are your thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviours (once you know how). When this becomes a new habit, you’ll likely experience better friendships. Examples of what you can control when nurturing friendships:

Whenever you feel bad about something that has happened between you and a friend, that’s feedback you’re focussing on that you can’t control, there is something to address with them, or you have a belief or emotional trigger to clear.

3. Act from a place of love, kindness, and compassion

Love is at the heart of all nourishing friendships, so endeavour to engage your heart and act from a place of love, kindness, compassion, integrity, respect, gratitude, and peace.

Letting friends know how much you love and appreciate them goes a long way in nurturing mutual appreciation and strengthening closer bonds, especially when you do this unexpectedly. You could thank friends for their company, contribution, or the positive impact they have on your life. Or for something specific they have done. There are many ways to do this, e.g. verbally, or by sending them an email, card, message, letter or gift.

Being of service to your friends through thoughtful acts of kindness or by being generous with your time and attention, also helps build connections with people – as long as you don’t go overboard, which can be smothering. Even during challenging times, coming from a place of love, kindness, and compassion can do wonders for your relationships.

4. Be the good friend you want others to be

Most people want friends who radiate love, kindness, and compassion – people who are beacons of honesty, trustworthiness, open-mindedness, authenticity, and unwavering integrity. These are the foundations of all meaningful relationships, with yourself and others. Being loyal, supportive, appreciative, dependable, forgiving, and showing you care are also common desirable friendship qualities. True friendship transcends judgment, expectation, and jealousy.

In good friendships, you feel safe openly expressing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. If you find yourself holding back personal opinions or experiences, this may indicate you’re still getting to know someone and gauging your level of trust in them. Or it could be a red flag that this person might not be good for you. Regardless, being the friend, you’d like them to be, and accepting who they are without judgement, is essential in any healthy friendship.

5. Set and honour boundaries

We all have unique needs, desires, and emotional triggers. By setting up and applying healthy boundaries, you will increase the likelihood of your friends understanding your needs, wants, and limits, so they can find it easier to treat you with the love and respect you need and deserve. Doing this also reduces the potential for future conflict.

6. Be supportive and demonstrate you care

Being a good friend means being there to support friends whatever is happening in their lives. This involves celebrating their successes, achievements, and life’s milestones, with joy and enthusiasm. But it also means being there to listen and offer practical support during challenging times. Being a consistent supporter strengthens friendship bonds. Practical ways to demonstrate you care for friends include:

• Be in touch regularly, e.g. daily, weekly, or monthly.
• Ask friends what they need or how you can help.
• Send friends cards to celebrate birthdays and life events.
• Offer your friends comfort or assistance when they’re ill or going through a challenging time, e.g. increase your contact, get their shopping, or make meals for them.
• Have fun with random acts of kindness, e.g. sending flowers, gifts, or treating friends to a meal when they least expect it.
• Offer to look after pets or their house when they’re on holiday.
• Help friends tackle challenging tasks.
• Introduce them to people you think they’d get along with.
• Tell them you love or appreciate them.

Thoughtful gestures such as these show you cherish and value their presence in your life.

7. Learn to be a good communicator

Most conflicts come from a clash of values, communication styles, or behaviours. Too often, people fall out with friends because they feel hurt, upset, or annoyed with how they feel their friends have treated them. Yet, often, poor communication was a key factor.

Skilled communicators take responsibility for unintentionally hurting or upsetting people. They apologise and accept responsibility for the part they’ve played in the exchange – rather than blaming the other person. I share practical communication skills tips in my Nourishing Friendships book.

8. Celebrate friends’ successes

It’s incredibly uplifting when those around you are supportive and celebrate what’s going well in your life. The same is true for your friends.

Celebrating friends’ achievements, milestones, and moments of happiness with genuine enthusiasm, can deepen your friendship. Likewise, giving your friends encouragement, loving feedback, and space to evolve, grow, or pursue new goals, can strengthen your connection.

This can be hard when it feels like your friendship could change because of what your friend is doing, or when things aren’t going well for you. However, in such moments, it’s important to set aside any feelings of insecurity, loss, or envy.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was to express joy and excitement when a friend got pregnant, when I desperately wanted children too. Of course, I was really happy for my friends. But behind the scenes, I spent a lot of time in tears, devastated, although careful not to show it in their special moment of joy. Once I got over my initial upset, I was thankfully able to share their joy and enjoy time with their family.

9. Have fun and make the most of life together

Enjoying experiences, adventures, and activities together creates lasting memories and deepens friendships. Seek out things you can do with friends. Planning activities together often creates new opportunities, helps you get to know each other better, and can forge stronger connections. Be inclusive by inviting people you know along to social activities or group gatherings. This helps to ensure friends feel valued, included, and part of your friendship circle. Infusing your friendships with fun and laughter boosts the happiness and well-being of you all.

10. Invest time and effort in your friendships

Nurturing good friendships is like cultivating a beautiful garden – it takes time and effort, but the rewards are worth it.

People with lots of friends are those who make time for friendships alongside other commitments, no matter how busy they are. From a time perspective, friendship is a choice. If you want more friends, commit to investing more time and energy into finding and nurturing new connections. Life often leads us down different paths from our friends, but less time together or living further away doesn’t have to end friendships. If you share a deep bond with someone, and you both want to remain friends, this is possible. Discuss with your friend how you both can navigate this new chapter together. By making a conscious effort to stay connected through regular phone calls, online chats, letters, or visits, you can preserve a sense of closeness and continuity in your friendship.

Key points

• Focus on what you can control and influence and embody being the friend you want others to be.
• Who you show up as influences the friendships you will experience. If you want to attract good friends, be one yourself.
• There are many ways to be a good friend. Everything I’ve shared here will enhance your friendships.

Here’s to you cultivating many invaluable friendships that will bring joy to your life for years to come.

What’s next?

Hopefully, reading this blog has given you ideas for how you can be a good friend. 

I expand upon all I’ve covered here in my book, Nourishing Friendships: How to Make Friends You Love in Midlife and Beyond. It’s packed with practical tips. Check it out <HERE>.

Want one-to-one coaching to help you work out your next best steps?

I help people feel better, find their purpose, and embrace their next chapter with more clarity, confidence and joy—so they can find it easier to enjoy a happy, meaningful life for years to come. Find out more <HERE> or book a FREE 20-minute discovery call <HERE>.

You deserve to be happy and enjoy the life you yearn for—in the company of great friends. 

What’s the first thing you will do next to make that happen?

With love and gratitude,

Therapist, Friendship Coach, and Life Coach for Midlife Women

Enabling you to enjoy a life of purpose, adventure, and fun in your midlife years and beyond. 

P.S. Have you checked out my books <HERE> yet?

Often described as one of the most authentic and inspiring souls you can meet, Alisoun is on a mission to make it easier for women in their midlife years and beyond to live their truth, do something that matters, and make the most of life. 

Alisoun’s keynote talks, training, mentoring, and best-selling books, Nourishing Friendships, Heartatude: The 9 Principles of Heart-Centered Success and Give-to-Profit have favourably changed the good fortune of thousands of people worldwide. Alisoun loves spending time with friends, exploring the world, and living by the beach in Scotland.