7 Reasons to End a Friendship

Friendships can be uplifting and rewarding. But they can also become sources of stress, anxiety, and negativity. In this blog post, I share seven reasons to end a friendship. 

Reasons friendships end

Friendships end for several reasons, including poor friendship choices; a lack of care or support, or investment in the friendship; your lives are going off in different directions; one of you has activated an emotional trigger in the other person, such as jealousy, fear of rejection, or anger; one of you has breached the trust of the other person; there’s been a disagreement, misunderstanding, or poor communication; you have a clash of values, personality, or behaviours, or an opposing point of view that’s too big to move past.

How friendships end

Most of the time, friendships end naturally, without any kind of intervention. People simply drift apart over a lifetime. However, sometimes you need to be more proactive and direct in ending a friendship.

7 Reasons to end a friendship

Sometimes there are important and valid reasons to end a friendship, more directly. 

1. Unhealthy behaviours – a good friendship is built on love, kindness, compassion, respect, honesty, and trust. Friendships should uplift and energise you most of the time. If your friend exhibits unhealthy behaviours such as manipulation, belittling, jealousy, or possessiveness, that leave you feeling down, upset, drained, or scared, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. Your safety and well-being should always come first. 

2. You don’t like how your friend treats you – if your friend treats you poorly and in ways you feel uncomfortable, it’s important to recognise you deserve better. These could be new behaviours, ones you didn’t notice before, or ones you tolerated earlier in your friendship. One-off mistakes are human. But consistently being mistreated indicates an unhealthy friendship. 

3. You don’t like how your friend treats others – witnessing friends mistreat others can be distressing and cause internal stress and conflict. Particularly if you’ve done nothing and so, by association, could be considered complicit in their actions. If their behaviour towards others clashes with your values and you feel compelled to speak out but they continue their actions, it may be best to distance yourself from the friendship. 

4. You don’t want to become friends with someone – just like dating, making friends and getting to know people takes time. It’s only by spending time together, that you discover who you want to become friends with or not. When you decide you don’t want to continue a friendship with someone, it’s time to move on. That’s easier to do in new relationships when the other person doesn’t seem that fussed—you can simply let the friendship fizzle out naturally. If they are more eager to be friends, be more direct.

5. Your friend doesn’t seem to value your friendship – friendships are a two-way relationship so if you feel you’re the only one making an effort to maintain the friendship, it might be time to end it. However, before you do, be mindful that we all have different ways of expressing how we feel. Just because someone doesn’t ring or get in touch doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy your company. Maybe they’re not good initiators, you both have different needs, or time available for friendship at the moment. Part of making friends is working out the type of friendship you’re both looking for. I discuss this in a lot more detail in my Nourishing Friendships book. 

6. One of you has outgrown the other – personal growth is part of life. If one person is evolving in ways that the other cannot relate to or support, it may lead to feelings of disconnect. For example, one of you is becoming more self-assured or confident and doing things without the other. Or one friend is taking up new interests or hobbies the other isn’t interested in pursuing. While some friendships can adapt to these changes, others may need to end if they no longer serve both individuals positively.

7. You no longer like or relate to your friend – changes in beliefs, opinions, and personal circumstances can create rifts in friendships to the extent you no longer enjoy their company. Sometimes these changes can be temporary, e.g. when someone has a child and the other friend doesn’t. It’s been lovely to find that twenty years after some of my friends disappeared into parenthood, we’ve reconnected once their children have grown up. However, sometimes, one or both of you could have changed in ways that are no longer compatible, e.g. extreme differences of opinions on topics of importance to you, such as politics or the COVID-19 vaccines.

Summary

• You get to decide who you want to be friends with.
• There are plenty of valid reasons for letting a friendship go or ending a friendship. 
• Most friendships drift apart naturally through a lack of keeping in touch—with no need for you to communicate you want to end the friendship.
• Sometimes, you need to communicate with the other person that you want to end the friendship. 

What’s next?

Hopefully, reading this blog has helped you decide whether ending a friendship is the right thing to do.

I also suggest you read these other blogs:

• How to End a Friendship with Compassion <HERE>.
• 7 Factors to Consider Before Ending a Friendship <HERE>.

Or get my Nourishing Friendships book, which is packed with practical tips for making, keeping, and ending friendships. Check it out <HERE>.

Want one-to-one support to help you work out your next best steps? Check out my friendship coaching <HERE>. 

You deserve to be happy and surrounded by good friends.

With love and gratitude,

Friendship Coach & Life Coach for Midlife Women

Enabling you to make friends and enjoy a life of purpose, adventure, and fun in your midlife years and beyond. 

P.S. Have you checked out my books <HERE> yet?

Often described as one of the most authentic and inspiring souls you can meet, Alisoun is on a mission to make it easier for women in their midlife years and beyond to live their truth, do something that matters, and make the most of life. 

Alisoun’s keynote talks, training, mentoring, and best-selling books Nourishing Friendships, Heartatude: The 9 Principles of Heart-Centered Success and Give-to-Profit have favourably changed the good fortune of thousands of people worldwide. Alisoun loves spending time with friends, exploring the world, and living by the beach in Scotland.